justgettingstarted

     One year ago I would have been the first to argue to the death that long-distance relationships DO not, WILL not, and absolutely CANNOT work. When I was a freshmen in college I had a boyfriend that was two hours away. He would come visit every weekend but when you’ve been away from each other for a week, all you really want to do when you see each other is be physical. We broke up after he quickly found a girl that was within minutes from him. After this I was convinced that out-of-sight surely meant out-of-mind and that it would be too hard for two people to care enough about each other when separated by distance.

       But a couple years went by and one summer I met a guy from Indiana. We were both on a missions trip in Ocean City, New Jersey and he quickly became one of my closest friends on the trip. By the end of the trip I had fallen for him and despite all internal instict to run from another long-distance relationship (me in California and him in Indiana), I could not imagine my life without him. We’ve now been together for a year and have at least two more years of being apart.  I’m not a relationship psychologist and I’m not married yet, but I wanted to give some advice based on how we’ve made our relationship work.

 1. Friends first. It’s important to have a foundation. Relationships usually work better when you’ve established a friendship first.

 2. Put your pride aside. When most of your relationship is over the phone, its easy to get defensive in arguments. Listen to what each other has to say and put the well-being of the relationship first.

3. Know that there are boundaries pertaining to who your boyfriend/girlfriend can hang out with. Just because you don’t want to your boyfriend hanging out with another girl one-on-one doesn’t make you a jealous girlfriend. It just means that you’re being cautious and have vulnerable feelings. Your “significant other” should care about you enough to respect this. But don’t be jealous for the sake of being jealous, be rational about it. If he/she is hanging out with a group, then trust him/her.

4. This may be a no brainer, but Skype makes all the difference. More pointless arguments tend to pop up when it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Hearing each other’s voice on the phone doesn’t compare to seeing your loved one’s face.

5. Sacrifice time to have dates once in a while. Try renting the same movie, pressing play at the same time and watching together. Of course you can’t cuddle or make-out but you can still share the movie watching experience together. I’d recommend a comedy or the traditional Disney movie.

6. Make sure to have real conversation at least once a week. When you both get busy it becomes tough to find time to catch up and really dig deep into each other’s lives. But remember why you’re with this person and make sure you spend at least once a week investing in them and their hearts.

That’s what I’ve learned so far, I’m sure there is plenty more to come in the next two years. If anyone has any other ideas for making long-distance work or questions feel free to comment!

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